Archive | November, 2010

Moments I’d rather forget.

21 Nov

Whether they know it or not – Everybody has a prime place to think. Mindless thinking whilst driving. Reflective thinking whilst sitting on the beach. Contemplative thinking whilst on the toilet. For me, my favourite place to think is on a swing. Often, I go for ‘walks’, only finding myself  on the playground swingset near my house.  This might seem a little creepy- but I promise its not my attempt to re-create my own Michael Jackson’s Neverland. It’s something about the combination of continuous momentum and the sensation of flying that provides inspiration for my best ‘thinking’ work.

So the other day, as I was swinging…I began to think of some moments that I would rather forget.

1. Left my car in drive..rolled down the street and hit my neighbours car. I’m sorry Keven Morris.

2. Rode my bike down a flight of stairs & split my head open…. no it was not a jack-ass ‘stunt’…i actually thought it was possible. The scar still remains. To my defence I was only three years old.

3. Tried to ‘wax’ my own upper lip (using a hairdryer to heat the wax)-  I was left with a ‘moustache- looking’ 2nd degree burn for two weeks… and no..it was not my attempt to part-take in ‘Movember’. (FYI: Copius amounts of Vitamin E ensured no scarring).

4. I recently, hired a helium cylinder to blow up some balloons. The valve bumped up against the trolley and the BIGGEST noise you can imagine erupted as the gas violently emit – shoppers thought I was a terroist…they were picking up their kids and running. I was crying.

5. When I burnt my tongue on hot chocolate and instinctively opened the freezer door and stuck my tongue against it to cool it down. 3 seconds later my tongue was stuck to the door…..I lost the ability to taste anything for one whole week. potentially the worst week ever.

There are plenty more. I’m sure I’ll add to the list soon.

 

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Mr Whippy.

14 Nov

 

My parents would suddenly being to sing – LOUDLY. Sometimes they danced for extra effect. However, it never worked.  Once the van entered a 5km radius of my house, my super–sonic detection system would immediatley detect Mr Whippy’s favourite song- Greensleeves. Series of images flased through my mind….the the choc-top dipped vanilla ice-cream in a cardboard-like cone, the summer sun melting the ice-cream, my tongue as it wrestled to lick off the melting ice-cream half way down my arm…

After promising to clean my room & grabbing some gold coins..the race to Mr Whippy would begin. However, I never raced. No way. This is where I pulled my powers of the ‘Oldest sister’. As the Mr Whippy Van drove passed our house and around the corner…I would say “I’ll stay here incase he comes back around…you guys hurry up and run fast, otherwise we’ll miss out!”. It worked everytime. My two sisters, red-faced and out of breath would always deliver the goods. The three of us would then always sit on our drive-way savouring each lick!

 

Quick Exit.

3 Nov

One thing that I absolutely hate is the ‘awkward’ removal of yourself in a dining situation.

You know the one I mean .

Scenario: You are sitting at a dinner table – you have finished dessert and  have politely declined the coffee.

Don’t get me wrong- you have had a wonderful night & the last thing you want to do it be rude. Its not an escape you are after it’s a polite QUICK exit.

The host is oblivious (or decides to actively ignore) your body language, which is screaming that you are ready to GO.  Whilst the host fires more questions at you…you are strategically working out a way to look at your watch without making it obvious (TIP: turning the watch to face yourself and then doing a quick glance downwards works well).

Steps:

Slowly, you attempt to make your intent to leave more obvious –

1. The loud yawn

2. How comment about ‘how early you got up this morning’

3. A complaint about the long drive home

Sometimes none of these work.

Next step, is the

1. Jiggling of the keys

2. Repeated glances towards the door

3. Fidgeting followed by the slow shuffle out of your seat

4. TIP: For those with infants – do as my dad did – he would pinch our leg and waited until we cried – this guaranteed a quick exit out!! (Who wants a screaming baby?)

Solution: Invent a red card system – hold the red card up and you are out…

I think as you get older your patience for this passive-aggressive ‘exit behaviour’ starts to diminish entirely. My grandfather is the best at this- when he wants to leave (even if you are mid-sentence) he will bang his hands on the table (not in an aggressive way) and always states ‘well…its time for me to go’. Before, I’ve even had time to look up & load my spoon with mum’s famous daal – I can hear his car reversing out our drive way….that’s how it should be. Like pulling a band-aid – do it quickly, without thinking and it leads to less prolonged pain.