Secret Car Behaviour

4 Sep

All of us have been involved in SCB at some stage. Incessantly drumming your palms on the steering wheel. Cruising, with one hand out the window, doing ‘the rollin’ with the homies’ move (you know the one). Or, with all windows rolled up…belting out Mariah Carey’s ‘One sweet day’. Yes, you got it – SCB – Secret Car Behaviour. Except…that it is not so secret. Although, it feels like we are in a protective bubble…it is too easy, to forget that we are actually caged in a perspex mobile vehicle. Tinted windows? Don’t kid your self… people can still see in.

One SCB which I am very well acquainted is car singing (at the top of your lungs).

You know what I’m talking about…the awkward moment, where you stop at the traffic light and your favourite song comes on…all of a sudden you let down all inhibitions. Your shoulder begins to twitch, before you know it…your head is bopping, you hands are beating the wheel and you are singing (VERY loudly). Your peripheral vision catches something by your side. You stop mid-verse, only to see the driver next to you is either horrified or laughing…..hard. In this situation there are two paths you can take:
a) Sink down in your seat & stare hard at the red light – hoping it will turn green quickly, so you can speed off.
b) You continue your ‘performance’, smiling at your traffic acquaintance, hoping they will be inspired to do the same.

We spend equivalent of 1 year of our life stuck in traffic (ok, I made that up – but I reckon I am pretty close). It is considered wasted time….or is it? I have recently taken up to downloading ‘intellectual’ podcasts, as a result my trivial pursuit game has improved ten-fold. I also received a free Mary Poppins CD this week, which I have been paying on repeat- this has definitely improved my high soprano notes & vibrato….

Another one of my favourite things to do, is put on my ‘Gangsta Nix” playlist & drive one-handed (again, very safely), put one hand on the window pane…and pretend that I am driving down an alley way in the Bronx in New York. It makes me feel empowered. (NB:- If you want to recreate this amazing sensation for yourself, I recommend Coolio’s -Gangsta Paradise)

Moving on from SCB, the car is the perfect place to ‘think’. Over the last few years whilst driving my (yellow) Honda Jazz, certain ‘car-related’ innovation ideas have arisen (Please kindly do not try and steal my ideas, they are all copyrighted)

1. There should be a car dating service. Come on admit it, how many times have you been distracted by a hottie in a near by vehicle? Purposely switched lanes? Given a flirtatious smile at the traffic lights? I am guilty of doing this many times. So this is my idea…If you are single & interested, you should be able to display your name, number and a small message on your window. The love interest can then ‘accept’ or ‘decline’ your message. Viola! On the road to love….

2. Car-o-ke – A (safe) way to be able to display lyrics of a song on the windscreen of your car – like a projector…Yes, there are a few flaws in this idea – but come on…its genius! What’s not to love! My new ‘thang’ is recording myself singing on my iphone when in the car – instant playback was a great invention – especially when you have such a gorgeous voice like mine. I’m sure a recording feature could be integrated into ‘car-o-ke’.

3. The ‘wave’ – instead of ‘waving your hand, I think we should install a back windscreen wiper with a hand that says ‘Thank you’. I also, think there should be another option to attach a hand signaling the rude finger with such phrases as “Stop driving so closer to me you [insert rude word here]”, “Hurry the [insert F word here] up”. Again, genius!

Some of my other ‘illegal’ SCB, includes painting my nails (using the wheel as a flat surface), changing my bra whilst driving on the way to soccer training, even been known to read a book whilst being stuck on Ryde Rd. If you are part of the police force, please disregard above comments.

SCB – productive, exciting and oh so satisfying.

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