A Bizarre Encounter in Aisle 4 Woolworths Checkout

16 Sep

So, apologies in advance _ I do not have a pretty photo to reflect my post. I just feel very compelled to write about a very bizarre encounter I had this morning. It was unexpected and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about tit since.


I had to buy a trolley (literally) full of bread (for work purposes) early this morning.  The ‘check-out chick’ looked over 55+ and had big, bushy ‘Frida Kahlo-like” eyebrows. They were definitely the distinguishing feature on her harsh, but podgy face. Being the friendly person I am, I greeted her with a warm smile & said a ‘hello, how are you?”.  


Not in a million years could I have anticipated what was to come next. Let’s just say, the probability of what came out of this ‘check-out chick’s’ mouth, can be aligned with the probability of Victoria Beckham voluntarily sifting through a bargain bin at Target. Yes, unlikely.


I wish I had found out her name. She wasn’t wearing her badge.


Anyways, I expected a simple “I am well thanks” to my question. Instead I got; “I am feeling good tody, as my boss let me off last night and I got to watch the re-run of Miss Universe.”


I thought it was going to stop there. No…she continued. For 15 minutes. On the topic of Miss Universe. I wish I was exaggerating. But I promise I am not.


I don’t know if she was lonely or she was genuinely obsessed by the topic. Nevertheless, her facial expression remained deadpan. She rattled off statistics & figures like it was a math’s Olympiad. “Did you know that 3 of the top 5 finalists of the 2011 pageant were from Spanish speaking backgrounds – don’t know find that biased?” before, I had a chance to get over the shock, she was telling me; “In 2008, I knew that Puerto Rico had a 76% chance of winning, she looked natural & was a stand out from the start”…”Did you know, Angola was a Portuguese colony? No wonder she won”


She then went on a tangent, on the meaning of beauty and for her beauty is when she ‘can’t stop looking at someone’ (alarm bells, started to set off in my head – what the hell?). She told me how she didn’t like ‘long pins’, but instead preferred bodies that didn’t look like they had been ‘worked out’.


She spoke fast. Very fast. Was direct. And struggled to take a breath.


Let me remind you – by this stage I had already had all my goods swiped and paid for. She just didn’t let me escape, she kept talking as she served the line of people behind me. Each of them, giving me the ‘I feel sorry for you’ look.


Ok so admittedly, 5 mins into it – I may have added fuel to the fire. I told her my friend from school was MissAustraliain 2007 (Caroline Pemberton). She was already onto it – in 2 seconds flat, she started rattling of facts about Caroline. It was truly unbelievable – “Oh yes, the blonde one, who does a lot of charity work & does quite a few TV appearances”….opinions on Rachel Finch, Cherrie Lee-Biggs and Jennifer Hawkins followed….she ended her speech with “It must feel so good winning Miss Universe”


I was running late, I didn’t want to seem polite….but I slowly started edging the trolley away. But then…. the strangest thing happened (even after our 15 min engagement), instead of saying goodbye or any closing comments, she just turned to the customer she was serving…and said “cheque, credit or savings”. That was it. Speech over.


I was left there amused and in shock & disbelief…did that just really happen?


It was a very interesting experience; I have never met a die-hard Miss Universe pageant fan before. To be honest, I thought majority of the audience were  men  that enjoyed watching women parade around in swim suits or American stage-mom’s taking notes for their unborn daughters to increase their chances of becoming a beauty queen one day……Never in my life, would I have picked this 50-something Woolies check-out chick ….BY no means, I am not judging…. I say good on her for being so passionate about it!


I still don’t understand, why she chose me to download all her Miss Universe opinions on. It was very intense & unexpected for a8:00amtrip to Woolworths.


Maybe it was her dream to be a beauty queen. Maybe she enjoyed the pageants for its cultural currency. Or maybe I should brush up on my pageant knowledge, go back to Aisle 4….and ask her these questions myself!


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