Archive | November, 2011

Bike Ride of Death- Down the Champs-Elysees

26 Nov

You know those moment when you are trying to smile on the outside – but on the inside you are crying with fear?!

Well…that was me – riding a bicycle down the Champs-Elysees. Not by choice, my friend had forced me; “Come on it will be fun!”. Having a drink under the eiffel tower = fun. Trying on boutique clothe s= fun. Nearly dying in Paris = Not fun.

I’m no Lance Armstrong. And yes, admittedly I probably hold the record for being the  oldest kid in the park still on ‘training wheels’. And yes, I probably would still request training wheels if it was socially acceptable.

A forced smile on the oustide. But inside I was scared. My hands turned blue as I gripped the handle bars. I thought I was going to die. No, I’m not being dramatic – I honestly thought I was going to die.

A double-decker bus skimmed pass me. Parisians cursed me through their windows. I’m pretty sure I closed my eyes for some it.

My friend Jo rode ahead, laughing, waving…at one point even texting on her phone. I yelled abuse to her…in my head (was to scared to open my mouth).

Lesson learnt: Bike tours = not my ‘thang’. I am much better on foot.


Dining in the Dark

7 Nov


This was definitely one of the weirdest dining experiences of my life.

We ate in pitch darkness. Our eyes didn’t adjust. I’ve done the dinner under the stars in Uluru. But this was different. There was absolutely no light.

Blind waiters and waitresses worked at the restaurant. I was instructed to hug ‘Marcus’s (our waiter) neck as he guided me to my chair.

At first I felt claustrophobic. I felt short of breathe. I couldn’t see a damn thing.

The 3 course dinner was a surprise. We had no idea what we were eating. After the claustrophobia wore off, it was very exciting.

It was like being in a game of laser tag…for 4 hours. I felt that someone was always behind me. Ready to tackle me down. My heart was beating fast.

I could feel my other senses immediately becoming increasingly heighted. I could hear a lady sitting to my right. At one point in the dinner, my fingers accidently touched her hair. She screamed out. I then realised the ‘dark humour’ wasn’t called dark humour for nothing. I could do anything I wanted. I was anonymous. I slowly pulled at the lady’s hair. She cried out hysterically; “I cant take this any more…someone turn on the lights”. Her cry’s for help fell on deaf ears.

I then started to mess with my bf, Jai. I stole his cutlery. I shifted his drink to my side of the table. “I lost my drink, I lost my drink”. He began to panic. My response….I remained silent for 5 mins. “Nix….Nix…Are you there? Why aren’t you saying anything?” And so it continued…Admittedly, it was immature… but I found it absolutely hilarious.

We attempted to use our cutlery to eat our entrée. The fork kept hitting my cheek. Frustrated, Jai then said; “Use your hands, just use your hand…indian style…who cares no body can see us”. So I used my hands. To eat everything. I felt almost animalistic.

Dining in the dark made me realise just how much I rely on my sight. It also forced me into the situation

The best discovery – the chocolate dessert, which I thought was just a bowl of chocolate mousse. I left the bowl and for some reason put my lips on it. JACKPOT! The bowl was edible!!!! It was a chocolate bowl. I think the whole restaurant heard my discovery…”JAI!! The bowl is chocolate… you can eat it!!!”.

The only other blind experience I have had was in Guatemala. It was a ‘blind massage’ (ie. The masseuse was blind).  Despite the fact that he wore sunglasses and that he had a cassette playing noises to indicate the time – still to this day, I question whether the masseuse was actually blind. It sounds horrible, I know, but my breasts got ‘massaged’/groped excessively and he kept asking if I had a ‘novio’ (boyfriend). The giveaway – as I walked out of the massage parlour…he took of his sunglasses and opened a newspaper…..I don’t know, I don’t want to judge- maybe his friend was about to read it to him….